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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022046">Janus Doesn't Get Jealous</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff'>Ive_never_read_fluff</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Self-Harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:22:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Janus doesn't get jealous, no, it's so much worse than that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>131</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Janus Doesn't Get Jealous</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ib: Gem Bear Gacha on YouTube ❤️</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Unlike his two boyfriends, Janus doesn’t really get jealous.</p><p>No.. he gets insecure, if you can call it that. He’ll just start thinking things like “they’ve finally gotten tired of me”, “what did I do— did they ever love me or was it all some cruel game?”, and he’ll think about all the times where they’ve been to busy for him, have brushed him off, have teased him and (hopefully accidentally) hit one of his weak spots or insecurites, have spent time together without him (<em>selfish</em>, a part of his brain whispers, <em>because of course they’d need alone time after being practically forced to put up with someone like him</em>), and things of the sort.</p><p>He tries not to let it get to him, he really does, but it always ends up affecting him and making him look even more weak and pathetic than he already probably does.<em> If you actually loved them you’d want to make them happy, right?</em> His thoughts say, <em>then you’d let them go instead of making them pity your disgusting ass. </em></p><p>But he can’t. He’s selfish, he knows he is, and he wants to make himself happy instead of doing the right thing. Janus probably doesn’t even love them. Or at least not enough — <em>because if he did, he’d want what’s best for them</em> — but no, he just wants them for himself.</p><p>To make himself happy.</p><p>Except he’s so fucking sure he loves them, he’s never felt the same way about anyone before.. so why can’t he just make them happy? Why can’t he let go? Why is he so incredibly selfish? He doesn’t deserve them, he never will. He’s just an ugly, villainous, outcast who doesn’t deserve love, doesn’t deserve to be happy, deserves to rot for all of eternity, deserves to be alone and miserable, and just.. not happy. His boyfriends deserve better. So much better. Logan and Remus — they deserve the world. </p><p>They deserve the universe and the galaxy and everything that has even the slightest possibility of existing that they’d like. They deserve someone who isn’t so fucking <em>insecure</em> and <em>broken</em> that the smallest thing can have him convinced they hate him, someone who doesn’t wake up and have a panic attack if they simply just feel wrong, someone who doesn’t isolate themself or doesn’t fall into a really dark place every year on a certain month just because that month brought so much “trauma” (Dr. Picani said it was valid trauma but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it, what happened was so insignificant and minor and not important and yes he was extremely young and didn’t know how to process it, but still.. something like that shouldn’t cause something like this) with it, someone who doesn’t flinch or have a panic attack when something vaguely sexual happens in a specific way that just so happened to trigger them, someone who doesn’t have scars covering their thighs and ankles and (barley noticeable) ones on his wrists and shoulders, someone who doesn’t dissociate as often as he does, someone who— who isn’t broken. </p><p>They don’t deserve someone like <strike>Janus</strike> Deceit. </p><p>It was two hours later when they’d find him, staring blankly at two razor blades and a bottle of paracetamol. They rushed over to their boyfriend, Logan checking for any damage while Remus tried to get Janus to zone back in (or just tried to get him to respond). Logan found one long vertical cut on Janus’s inner left arm, letting out a quiet pained noise at the thought of his boyfriend doing that to himself, even though he’s aware of Janus’ history with self harm. Remus saw it too, and his face morphed into something indescribably sad and concerned. “Janus..” but he didn’t hear it.</p><p>Remus turned to face Logan, an unasked question hanging between them. “I.. don’t know.” Another beat of silence. “All we can do is try to get him to respond for now.”</p><p>So, for the next 46 minutes that’s exactly what they did. Logan cleaned and bandaged the cut and Remus held Janus’ hand and traced circles on his hand, and once Logan finished they picked their boyfriend up and took him to Logan’s room (Janus once said it was the most comforting), and cuddled around him. Janus’ senses slowly made their way back to him and he realized his boyfriends were with him. Shit.. something hurts. He.. cut himself.. they must’ve seen the cut. And oh FUCK what else did he do?</p><p>“Janus?”</p><p>Fucking — fuck shit —</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>WHY DID HE RESPOND?!</p><p>“Jan.. do you remember what happened?” </p><p>MAYBE?! Calm the fuck down, idiot! Ok, ok.. He shrugged.</p><p>“Can you talk?” Janus looked down. “Y-yeah.” </p><p>“Hey, it’s okay.. we can talk about it later, okay? For now we can just stay here,” Logan and Remus looked at each other, “do you think you can sleep? And we can talk in the morning.”</p><p>And Janus nodded. </p><p>They’d talk in the morning.. right now he’s tired, and surrounded by his boyfriends — who, despite what his thoughts might say, love him very much. </p>
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